We’ll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes,
But the plural of ox becomes oxen, not oxes.
One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese,
Yet the plural of moose should never be meese.
You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice,
Yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.

If the plural of man is always called men,
Then shouldn’t the plural of pan be called pen?
If I speak of my foot and show you my feet,
And I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?
If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,
Why shouldn’t the plural of booth be called beeth?

Then one may be that, and three would be those,
Yet hat in the plural would never be hose,
And the plural of cat is cats, not cose.
We speak of a brother and also of brethren,
But though we say mother, we never say methren.
Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him,
But imagine the feminine: she, shis and shim!

Let’s face it – English is a crazy language.
There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple.
English muffins weren’t invented in England ..We take English for granted, but if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square, and a
guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don’t fing,grocers don’t groce and hammers don’t ham? Doesn’t it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend. If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn’t preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? Sometimes I think all the folks who grew up speaking English could be running the danger of being called verbally insane.

In what other language do people recite at a play and play at a recital?
We ship by truck but send cargo by ship.
We have noses that run and feet that smell.
We park in a driveway and drive in a parkway.
And how can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out, and in which an alarm goes off by going on.

And, in closing, if Father is Pop, how come Mother’s not Mop?

Crazy English is a post from: The Eye An Eyebeemania Blog

This photographer must have used a very powerful lens to be able to photograph this scene.
Check out the pictures – one by one. did you expect to see ????? 
Yup, I was straining my eyeballs to try and see through the back window too!   

What did you expect to see ????? 
Yup, I was straining my eyeballs to try and see through the back window too!   

Gotcha!!!

Car Sex is a post from: The Eye An Eyebeemania Blog

Miss March is a post from: The Eye An Eyebeemania Blog

Facts About Your Farts is a post from: The Eye An Eyebeemania Blog

If you kiss her, You are not a gentleman
If you don’t, You are not a man

If you praise her, She thinks you are lying
If you don’t, You are good for nothing

If you agree to all her likes, You are a wimp
If you don’t, You are not understanding

If you visit her often, She thinks you are boring
If you don’t, She accuses you of double-crossing

If you are well dressed, She says you are a playboy
If you aren’t, You are a dull boy

If you are jealous, She says it’s bad
If you are not, She thinks you do not love her

If you attempt a romance, She says you didn’t respect her
If you don’t, She thinks you do not like her

If you are a minute late, She complains it’s hard to wait
If she is late, She says that’s a girl’s way

If you hang out with the guys, You’re not putting in "quality time"
If she has a girls night out, "oh it’s natural, we are girls"

If you kiss her once in a while, She professes you are cold
If you kiss her often, She yells that you are taking advantage

If you fail to help her in crossing the street, You lack ethics
If you do, She thinks it’s just one of men’s tactics for seduction

If you stare at another woman, She accuses you of flirting
If she is stared by other men, She says that they are just admiring

If you talk, She wants you to listen
If you listen, She wants you to talk

In short:
So simple, yet so complex
So weak, yet so powerful
So confusing, yet so desirable
So damning, yet so wonderful… …..WOMEN!

Women! is a post from: The Eye An Eyebeemania Blog

Scottish Family Christmas is a post from: The Eye An Eyebeemania Blog

10. I Hate Every Bone In Her Body But Mine
9. I Ain’t Never Gone To Bed With an Ugly Woman But I Woke Up With A Few
8. If The Phone Don’t Ring, You’ll Know It’s Me
7. I’ve Missed You, But My Aim’s Improvin’
6. Wouldn’t Take Her To A Dogfight ‘Cause I’m Scared She’d Win
5. I’m So Miserable Without You It’s Like You’re Still Here
4. My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend And I Miss Him
3. She Took My Ring and Gave Me the Finger
2. She’s Lookin’ Better with Every Beer

And the Number One Country & Western song is…

1.. It’s Hard To Kiss The Lips At Night That Chewed My Ass All Day

Top Ten Country & Western Songs is a post from: The Eye An Eyebeemania Blog

Year Of The Blonde is a post from: The Eye An Eyebeemania Blog

A woman comes home and tells her husband, “Remember those headaches I’ve been having all these years? Well, they’re gone.”

“No more headaches?” the husband asks, “What happened?”

His wife replies, “My friend Margie referred me to a hypnotist. He told me To stand in front of a mirror, stare at myself and repeat “I do not Have a Headache; I do not have a headache, I do not have a headache..” It Worked! The headaches are all gone.”

The husband replies, “Well, that is wonderful.”

His wife then says, “You know, you haven’t been exactly a Ball Of Fire in the bedroom these last few years. Why don’t you go see the Hypnotist and see if he can do anything for that?”

The husband agrees to try it

Following his appointment, the husband comes home, rips off his clothes, picks up his wife and carries her into the bedroom. He puts her on the bed and says, “Don’t move, I’ll be right back.”

He goes into the bathroom and comes back a few minutes later and jumps into bed and makes passionate love to his wife like never before.

His wife says, “Boy, that was wonderful!”

The husband says, “Don’t move! I will be right back.”

He goes back Into the bathroom, comes back and round two was even better than the first time.

The wife sits up and her head is spinning.

Her husband again says, “Don’t move, I’ll be right back.”

With that, he goes back in the bathroom.

This time, his wife quietly follows him and there, in the bathroom, she sees him standing at the mirror and saying, “She’s not my Wife. She’s Not my wife. She’s not my wife…”

His funeral service will be held on Friday.

Hypnotic Sex is a post from: The Eye An Eyebeemania Blog

Brain Upgrade Required is a post from: The Eye An Eyebeemania Blog