The Eye

I have read some strange stuff about Facebook recently. There was an article in Newsweek magazine that prompted a lot of responses on their letters page. Now, I’m a Facebook user. I consider myself a reasonably normal person (friends and reader that know a little of me, need NOT comment with sarcasm! (grin)).

I personally feel it’s all a question of balance. If you do anything to excess, to the exclusion of other activities, it can become or be seen as an addiction or compulsion, or strange behavior. However, strange or abnormal behavior is really only that which doesn’t confirm to what another member of society doesn’t see as normal.

Some folks have no wish to use a computer to communicate with others. They see it as abnormal. I am sure folks said the same thing a century ago with regard to the telephone. Ok, I will concede that talking on the phone allows the tone of voice to convey emotion in a way that text doesn’t, but hang on a cotton-picking minute! How many centuries have we been writing to each other? How many people have developed great lifelong lasting friendships via mail? As a kid I was encouraged to have pen friends. It was good to encourage letter writing. It helped with vocabulary, grammar, punctuation, spelling, and also helped prepare one for communicating once one reached adulthood and ventured into the business world.

What’s so different about writing on a computer? Effectively, what I am writing here, is like a letter. An essay perhaps if you will.

I can communicate, via this blog site, in a way that simply wasn’t available to previous generations. It’s a new tool. The public internet is still very much in its infancy - it’s only around 15 years old. (Yes I know the history of Arpanet from the late 60’s - I am referring to the amount of years that have passed since the general public have started to be offered access).

Like any new tool, it can be used well or mis-used. I am a fairly private person. I only tell folks what I want them to know. No good telling someone a secret, and then complaining if they’ve told others. Ok, so they’ve broken your confidence, but you shouldn’t have told it to anyone, if you didn’t want anyone to know. For some people the burden is too great for them to keep something secret.

Now, on services such as Facebook, (and anywhere else online) you should only ever post what you want other people to know. If I want the world to know I’m working on a new exciting IT project, I can post about it on Facebook (or this blog perhaps). On the other hand, if I went to a nightclub, got drunk, and committed an indiscretion with a lady of the night afterwards, and I didn’t want anyone to know in case they told my wife or my mother, then it’s wise not to post it anywhere at all. We’re not quite yet at the stage where we can plug into the brain and drag every little bit of memory out, and the only person that your secrets are truly safe with are yourself. Once you open the cage, the beast is out, and you’ve lost total control of its final destination. It’s all about using tools wisely.

So, in response to the writer who comments that it’s a contradiction that so many Americans castigate the government for snooping into phone calls, when so many lay their personal details bare on Facebook, I would say that I see your point, but it’s more a question of educating people to use the communication tools that Facebook provides, wisely, not to not use them at all. Also, it’s about freedom of choice. Whilst I think one should think very carefully about what personal information you share, posting it online is your choice, and not something mandated by government. That is a whole new ball game.

I work with computers for a living. I spend many hours a day in front of one. I use email as my primary business tool of communication. I much prefer it to the telephone on almost all occasions, as it’s not so intrusive. When the phone rings it disturbs my train of thought, and I have to make a decision whether to answer it or ignore it. Ignore it, and I’ve probably got to call someone back later. With an email, the persons communication is there ready and waiting, when I can fit it in with my work flow, and I have a permanent (if I wish) record of it. Again, folks have ended up in serious trouble due to the content of emails, so another tool to use wisely. Do not tell your colleagues in and email that your boss is a dork, if you don’t want to risk it coming back and biting you later.

Remember sites such as The Wayback Machine, archive stuff for years. Google archives Usenet newsgroups. Your comment as an angry your 20 year old about starting a revolution might need answering when you go for that plum government job at the age of 30.

Going back to Facebook. I personally think it can be a great way to network with people for both fun and business. You can develop new real relationships online. What is a “real” relationship anyway. Surely any time you communicate with another person, it’s a relationship. I’ve got friends online that I’ve known the best part of twenty years, but I’ve never physically met them. We’re not bosom buddies, and we don’t pour out our hearts and souls to each other, but we do drop a line back and forth from time to time, and inquire as to each others well-being.

That’s a relationship isn’t it? A friendship? An acquaintance?

One of the good things about online friends, that can also be a bad thing, is the relative anonymity. You might actually feel more comfortable talking about some personal issues with someone you’ll probably never meet physically. On the other hand, if you don’t know them, you perhaps shouldn’t trust them with personal information - they might tell others things you don’t want them to know. It’s like meeting a stranger in a bar, and telling them all your woes over a few drinks. You don’t know who they know, who knows someone that knows you.

I’ve had online friends tell me things over the years, that they’d probably not say face to face, but I would still keep it confidential. Just because I’ve never met them physically, doesn’t mean, in my book, that I should repeat anything to anyone else, if they’ve asked me not to. Unfortunately, not everyone is like that. It’s your call, what you say or don’t say.

To the person that says it’s better to be hanging out on street corners that sitting at a computer all day; both can get you into trouble if you don’t take care, but I would say there are probably more inherent dangers on street corners, particularly in certain parts of certain towns, than being at home at the computer.

Lastly, to all those that say it’s a weird way to conduct relationships. I’ve met a number of married couples who first met on the internet. I did that very thing myself in 1998. We’ve been married eight years this year.