24 Mar 12 It’s Tax Time!
A woman walks into an accountant’s office and tells him that she needs to file her taxes.
The accountant says, “Before we begin, I’ll need to ask you a few questions.” He gets her name, address, social security number, etc. and then asks, “What is your occupation?”
“I’m a whore,” she says.
The accountant is somewhat taken aback and says, “No, No, No, that won’t work. Let’s try to rephrase that.”
The woman says, “OK, I’m a high-end call girl.”
“No, that still won’t work. Try again.”
They both think for a moment and the woman says, “I’m an elite chicken farmer.”
The accountant asks, “What does chicken farming have to do with being a prostitute?”
“Well, I raised a thousand little peckers last year.”
“Chicken Farmer it is.”
Tags: accountant, call girl, chicken farmer, chicken farming, elite, occupation, prostitute, social security, social security number
30 Dec 10 Logically Speaking
Two builders (Dave and Stuart) are seated either side of a table in a pub when a well-dressed man enters, orders a beer and sits on a stool at the bar. he two builders start to speculate about the occupation of the suit
Dave: – I reckon he’s an accountant.
Stuart: – No way – he’s a stockbroker
Dave: – He ain’t no stockbroker! A stockbroker wouldn’t come in here!
The argument repeats itself for some time until the volume of beer gets the better of Dave and he makes for the toilet. On entering the toilet he sees that the suit is standing at a urinal. Curiosity and the several beers get the better of him.
Dave: – ‘Scuse me…. no offence meant, but me and me mate were wondering what you do for a living?
Suit: – No offence taken! I’m a Logical Scientist by profession
Dave: – Oh? What’s that then?
Suit: – I’ll try to explain by example … Do you have a goldfish at home?
Dave: – Er … mmm … well yeah, I do as it happens!
Suit: – Well, it’s logical that you keep it either in a bowl or in a pond. Which is it?
Dave: – It’s in a pond! Suit: – Well it’s reasonable to suppose that you have a large garden then? Dave: – As it happens, yes I have got a big garden..
Suit: – Well then it’s logical to assume that, in this town, if you have a large garden then you have a large house?
Dave: – As it happens I’ve got a five bedroom house ….. built it myself!
Suit: – Well given that you’ve built a five bedroom house it’s logical to assume that you haven’t built it just for yourself and that you are quite probably married? And witha family?
Dave: – Yes I am married, I live with my wife and four children.
Suit: – Well then it is logical to assume that you are sexually active with your wife on a regular basis?
Dave: – Yep! Five times a week!
Suit: – Well then it is logical to suggest that you don’t masturbate very often?
Dave: – Do what? Not me, mate!
Suit: – Well there you are! That’s logical science at work!
Dave: – How’s that then?
Suit: – Well from finding out that you had a goldfish, I’ve told you about your sex life!
Dave: – I see!
That’s pretty impressive. Thanks mate! Both leave the toilet and Dave returns to his mate.
Stuart: – I see the suit was in there. Did you ask him what he does?
Dave: – Yep! He’s a logical scientist! Stuart: – What’s that then?
Dave: – I’ll try and explain. Do you have a goldfish?
Stuart: – Nope
Dave: – Well then, you’re a wanker
Posted via email from Eyebeemania
Tags: accountant, beers, curiosity, goldfish, large garden, occupation, offence, profession, science, scientist, stockbroker, toilet
