09 Dec 09 The Wrong Thing
The train was quite crowded, so a U. S. Marine walked the entire length looking for a seat, but the only seat left was taken by a well dressed, middle-aged, French woman’s poodle…
The war-weary Marine asked, ‘Ma’am, may I have that seat?’ The French woman just sniffed and said to no one in particular , ‘Americans are so rude. My little Fifi is using that seat.’
The Marine walked the entire train again, but the only seat left was under that dog.
‘Please, ma’am. May I sit down? I’m very tired.
She snorted, ‘Not only are you Americans rude, you are also arrogant!’
This time the Marine didn’t say a word; he just picked up the little dog, threw it out of the train window, and sat down.
The woman shrieked, ‘Someone must defend my honor! This American should be put in his place!’
An English gentleman sitting nearby spoke up.
‘Sir, you Americans often seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You hold the fork in the wrong hand. You drive your cars on the wrong side of the road. Now, sir, you seem to have thrown the wrong bitch out of the window.
Tags: Americans, English Gentleman, french woman, marine, train journey, wrong thing
08 Dec 07 It’s Crazy But…
We yell for the Government to balance the budget, then take the last dime we have to make the down payment on a car that will take 5 years to pay off.
We demand speed laws that will stop fast driving, then won’t buy a car if it can’t go over 100 miles an hour.
We know the line-up of every baseball team in the American and National Leagues but mumble through half the words in the “Star Spangled Banner”.
We’ll spend half a day looking for vitamin pills to make us live longer, then drive 90 miles an hour on slick pavement to make up for lost time.
We tie up our dog while letting our sixteen year old son run wild.
We whip any enemy in battle, then give them the shirt off our backs.
We will work hard on a farm so we can move into town where we can make more money so we can move back to the farm.
We run from morning to night trying to keep our “earning power” up with our “yearning power.”
We get upset we’re spending over a billion dollars for education, but spend three billion dollars a year for cigarettes.
In the office we talk about baseball, shopping or fishing, but when we are out at the game, the mall or on the lake, we talk about business.
We’re supposed to be the most civilized nation on earth, but we still can’t deliver payrolls without an armored car.
We have more experts on marriage than any other country in the world and still have more divorces.
We’re the country that has more food to eat than any other country in the world and more diets to keep us from eating it.
We heavily tax smokers to get them to stop smoking, while subsidizing the tobacco farmer.
We buy oil from countries that hate us, and sell our oil to the country that almost destroyed our Navy.
Tags: Americans, armored car, baseball shopping, baseball team, billion dollars, cigarettes, civilized nation, diets, earning power, earth, fishing, half a day, last dime, marriage, navy, pavement, smokers, speed laws, star spangled banner, tobacco farmer, vitamin pills
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