20 Dec 10 A Christmas Story
[ad
A Christmas Story for people having a bad day:
When four of Santa's elves got sick, the trainee elves did not produce toys as fast as the regular ones, and Santa began to feel the Pre-Christmas pressure.
Then Mrs Claus told Santa her Mother was coming to visit, which stressed Santa even more.
When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two others had jumped the fence and were out, Heaven knows where.
Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the floorboards cracked, the toy bag fell to the ground and all the toys were scattered.
Frustrated, Santa went in the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered the elves had drank all the cider and hidden the liquor. In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider jug, and it broke into hundreds of little glass pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found the mice had eaten all the straw off the end of the broom.
Just then the doorbell rang, and irritated Santa marched to the door, yanked it open, and there stood a little angel with a great big Christmas tree.
The angel said very cheerfully, ‘Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn’t this a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?’
And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.
Tags: apple cider, broom, christmas story, christmas tree, cider jug, cupboard, doorbell, elves, floorboards, frustration, glass pieces, having a bad day, kitchen floor, liquor, little angel, little glass, lovely day, merry christmas santa, mrs claus, reindeer
25 Jul 10 Medical Distinction
We’ve all heard about people having guts or having balls. But do you really know the difference between them?
In an effort to keep you informed, here are the definitions:
GUTS is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being met by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask: ‘Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?’
BALLS is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the butt, and having the balls to say: ‘You’re next, Chubby.’
I hope this clears up any confusion on the definitions.
Medically speaking, there is no difference in the outcome…both result in death.
Tags: balls, broom, butt, coming home, confusion, death, definitions, distinction, guts, lipstick on your collar, perfume
08 Dec 07 Why an angel is on top ….
Not long ago and not far away Santa was getting ready for his annual trip…but there were problems every where… four of the elves got sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the regular ones so Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of being behind schedule….then Mrs. Claus told Santa that her mum was coming to visit.
This stressed Santa even more…when he went to harness the reindeer he found that three of them were about to give birth and two had jumped the fence and were out heaven knows where…more stress.
And then, when he began to load the sleigh, one of the boards on the sleigh cracked and the toy bag fell to the ground and scattered all the toys…so, frustrated Santa went into the house for a cup of coffee and a shot of whiskey…but he found that the elves had hit the liquor cupboard and there was nothing there to drink…and in his frustration he dropped the coffee pot and it broke into hundreds of little pieces all over the kitchen floor… he went to get the broom and found that mice had eaten the straw it was made from.
Just then the doorbell rang and Santa cussed on his way to the door ..he opened the door and there was a little angel with a great big Christmas tree. And the angel said: Santa, where would you like to put this Christmas tree??
And that, my friends, is how the little angel came to be on top of the Christmas tree…
Tags: broom, christmas tree, coffee pot, cup of coffee, cupboard, doorbell, elves, fence, frustration, heaven, kitchen floor, liquor, little angel, little pieces, mice, mrs claus, reindeer, stress, stressed santa, whiskey
