To my darling husband,Before you return from your overseas trip I just want to let you know about the small accident I had with the Ford F-150 when I turned into the driveway.
Fortunately not too bad and I really didn’t get hurt, so please don’t worry too much about me. I was coming home and when I turned into the driveway I accidentally pushed down on the accelerator instead of the brake.
The garage door is slightly bent but the Ford F-150 fortunately came to a halt when it bumped into your Ferrari. I missed our bikes.
I am really sorry, but I know with your kind-hearted personality you will forgive me. You know how much I love you and care for you my sweetheart.
I am enclosing a picture for you.
I cannot wait to hold you in my arms again.
Your loving wife. XX
P.S: Your girlfriend phoned.
Posted via email from Eyebeemania
Tags: accelerator, coming home, darling husband, ferrari, ford f 150, garage door, loving wife, overseas trip, personality, sweetheart
We’ve all heard about people having guts or having balls. But do you really know the difference between them?
In an effort to keep you informed, here are the definitions:
GUTS is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being met by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask: ‘Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?’
BALLS is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the butt, and having the balls to say: ‘You’re next, Chubby.’
I hope this clears up any confusion on the definitions.
Medically speaking, there is no difference in the outcome…both result in death.
Tags: balls, broom, butt, coming home, confusion, death, definitions, distinction, guts, lipstick on your collar, perfume
I know these are old and most of you have probably seen them before but they still raised a smile when I unearthed them today, so I thought I’d share them once more…
- A pedestrian hit me and went under my car.
- My car was legally parked as it backed into another vehicle. I started to slow down but the traffic was more stationary than I thought.
- The accident occurred when I was attempting to bring my car out of a skid by steering it into the other vehicle.
- I was unable to stop in time and my car crashed into the other vehicle. The driver and passengers then left immediately for a vacation with injuries.
- The gentleman behind me struck me on the backside. He then went to rest in a bush with just his rear end showing.
- The car in front of me stopped for a yellow light, so I had no choice but to hit him.
- The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him.
- Coming home I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don’t have.
- I told the police that I was not injured, but on removing my hat found that I had a fractured skull.
- I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law and headed over the embankment.
- I thought my window was down, but I found it was up when I put my head through it.
- As I approached an intersection a sign suddenly appeared in a place where no stop sign had ever appeared before. I was unable to stop in time to avoid the accident.
- In an attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole.
- I saw two kangaroos having it off in the middle of the road. So I hit them, which caused me to ejaculate through the sunroof.
- I was thrown from my car as it left the road. I was later found in a ditch by some stray cows.
- I pulled in to the side of the road because there was smoke coming from under the hood. I realized there was a fire in the engine, so I took my dog and smothered it with a blanket.
- No one was to blame for the accident but it would never have happened if the other driver had been alert.
- I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way home. As I reached an intersection a hedge sprang up, obscuring my vision and I did not see the other car.
- The indirect cause of the accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth.
- I was on the way to the doctor with rear end trouble when my universal joint gave way causing me to have an accident.
- On approach to the traffic lights the car in front suddenly broke.
- No witnesses would admit having seen the mishap until after it happened.
- I had been learning to drive with power steering. I turned the wheel to what I thought was enough and found myself in a different direction going the opposite way.
- The accident happened when the right front door of a car came round the corner without giving a signal.
- I had been driving for forty years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident.
- An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car and vanished.
- The accident happened because I had one eye on the truck in front, one eye on the pedestrian, and the other on the car behind.
Tags: backside, bush, coming home, ditch, embankment, fly, fractured skull, gentleman, intersection, kangaroos, mother in law, pedestrian, plants, rear end, shopping, stop sign, stray cows, sunroof, telephone pole, traffic