14 Nov 09 The 11th Husband
A young man married a beautiful woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband to “Please be gentle;
I’m still a virgin.”
“What ?” said the puzzled groom.
“How can that be if you’ve been married ten times?”
“Well, husband #1 was a Sales Representative; he kept telling me how great it was going to be..
“Husband #2 was in Software Services; he was never really sure how it was supposed to function; but he said he’d look into it and get back with me.
“Husband #3 was from Field Services; he said that everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn’t get the system up.
“Husband #4 was in Telemarketing; even though he knew he had the order, he didn’t know when he would be able to deliver..
“Husband #5 was an Engineer; he understood the basic process but he wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.
“Husband #6 was from Administration; he thought he knew how but he wasn’t sure whether it was his job or not.
“Husband #7 was in Marketing; although he had a product, he was never sure how to position it.
“Husband #8 was a Psychiatrist; all he did was talk about it.
“Husband #9 was a Gynecologist; all he did was look at it..
“Husband #10 was a Stamp Collector; all he ever did was……….. God I miss him !!
“But now that I’ve married you, I’m so excited”..
“Wonderful”, said the husband, “but why ?
“You’re with the ” GOVERNMENT “. ..
“This time I KNOW I’M gonna get SCREWED.”
Tags: 11th husband, administration, engineer, field services, government, Gynecologist, Marketing, Psychiatrist, sales rep, software services, Stamp Collector, telemarketing
29 Jun 08 Like A Politician
That’s what the house is like. Full of hot air.
Last week the air conditioning decides to quit working when it’s 90+ outside. Typical.
Anyway, along comes the engineer on Friday, and says that we need some Freon in the unit outside. He fills it up, and away he goes. House starts to cool down a a little – at one time it was 95F in here, with all the doors and windows open and fans blowing.
Saturday morning it didn’t seem that cool really, the temperature inside was 79F,even though the thermostat was set at 72F. Went out all day, came back around 6pm, and the temperature in here was back up to 87F.
The unit outside was not running.
Lots of people got phone calls and emails last evening, but of course, there won’t be even any kind of response until Monday, and hopefully a return visit from the engineer.
It’s OK in here right now, as it’s only 75F outside, and all the fans are running, and the doors and windows are open. I’ll enjoy it while it lasts, as it’s back to the 90′s by mid afternoon.
It’s going to be a warm Sunday!
Tags: 6pm, air conditioning, doors and windows, engineer, freon, full of hot air, mid afternoon, phone calls, saturday morning, thermostat
17 Apr 08 How To Spot Management
A man in a hot air balloon realized he was lost. He reduced altitude and spotted a woman below.
He descended a bit more and shouted, “Excuse me, can you help me?
I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don’t know where I am.”
The woman below replied, “You’re in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground.
You’re between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude.”
“You must be an engineer,” said the balloonist.
“I am,” replied the woman, “How did you know?”
“Well,” answered the balloonist, “everything you told me is, technically correct, but I’ve no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I’m still lost.
Frankly, you’ve not been much help at all. If anything, you’ve delayed my trip.”
The woman below responded, “You must be in Management.”
“I am,” replied the balloonist, “but how did you know?”
“Well,” said the woman, “you don’t know where you are or where you’re going.
You have risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise, which you’ve no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it’s my fault.”
Tags: altitude, balloonist, engineer, excuse, hot air balloon, management, north latitude, west longitude
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