23 Dec 10 Two Trainees
Two Trainees working in the same office, one wanted some time off, but knew the boss wouldn’t allow him to take leave.
He decided to act crazy so the boss would tell him to take a few days off. He hung upside down from the ceiling so the other Trainee asks him “What are you doing’?”
“Ah pretending to be ah light bulb so the boss will think ah crazy and give me time off for a few days”.
Just then de boss walks in. “What the arse you doing?”
“I am ah light bulb” the trainee says.
De boss then said, “Man you stress out. You need few days off to recover…go home and come back when you feel better.”
The other Trainee starts walking out the door too…
The boss asks him “Where the hell you think you’re going?”
The other Trainee replied “I going home….I cant work in the dark.
Tags: arse, boss, few days, going home, hell, light bulb, trainees
08 Sep 10 Murder In UK Store
Tired of constantly being broke & stuck in an unhappy marriage, a young husband decided to solve both problems by taking out a large insurance policy on his wife with himself as the beneficiary, and then arranging to have her killed.
A ‘friend of a friend’ put him in touch with a nefarious dark-side underworld figure who went by the name of ‘Artie.’
Artie then explained to the husband that his going price for snuffing out a spouse was £5,000.
The husband said he was willing to pay that amount, but that he wouldn’t have any cash on hand until he could collect his wife’s insurance money.
Artie insisted on being paid at least something up front, so the man opened his wallet, displaying the single pound note that rested inside. Artie sighed, rolled his eyes, & reluctantly agreed to accept the pound as down payment for the dirty deed.
A few days later, Artie followed the man’s wife to the local Tesco store. There, he surprised her in the produce department & proceeded to strangle her with his gloved hands & as the poor unsuspecting woman drew her last breath & slumped to the floor……..
The manager of the produce department stumbled unexpectedly onto the murder scene. Unwilling to leave any living witnesses behind, ol’ Artie had no choice but to strangle the produce manager as well.
However, unknown to Artie, the entire proceedings were captured by the hidden security cameras & observed by the store’s security guard, who immediately called the police. Artie was caught & arrested before he could even leave the store.
Under intense questioning at the police station, Artie revealed the whole sordid plan, including his unusual financial arrangements with the hapless husband who was also quickly arrested.
The next day in the newspaper, the headline declared …
‘ARTIE CHOKES 2 for £1.00 AT TESCO ‘
Tags: beneficiary, chokes, dirty deed, few days, friend of a friend, hidden security cameras, insurance policy, last breath, murder scene, police station, pound note, produce department, produce manager, security guard, tesco, tesco store, underworld figure, wallet
18 Nov 08 Bloggers Constipation
That little tab in the blog dashboard marked ‘Write’.
That’s what I’m talking about. Sometimes I’m glad to click on it, and merrily type away, and before I know it I’ve written a page and a half. The output borders on diarhea at times like that.
It’s threatening, when I have bloggers constipation, and can’t think of anything to write. It sits there, goading me, after I’ve loaded the dashboard into my browser, knowing that I’ve not written anything for a few days, and yet still can’t think of anything useful.
Truly though, the secret is, don’t worry. It’s like having real constipation; the more you think about it, the more you can’t. (I don’t have that problem for real, in case you were wondering – ok, I knew you weren’t, but you might have been).
If you don’t blog for a few weeks, and you don’t care, then it’s probably time to quit making serious attempts at blogging. Your heart isn’t in it really is it?
But if you miss a day or two, or three, because you can’t think of anything truly constructive to write about – then don’t worry. Something will come to you. It might be at 2am tonight when you can’t sleep, or at 11am in the middle of a busy day.
That leads me onto another point. Keep something to make notes on with you at all times. Keep a pad by the side of the bed for that 2am thought, and keep something you can jot notes into during a busy day – a pocket book, or your phone’s voice recorder, or use Jott, or something else that works for you. It doesn’t have to be high tech. Just something that will remind you what you had a great idea to write about a few hours later, when you do get the opportunity!
Happy blogging.
Tags: attempts, borders, busy day, constipation, dashboard, diarhea, few days, heart, jot notes, jott, sleep, voice recorder
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