24 Nov 11 The Bad Parrot
A young man named John received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary.
Every word out of the bird’s’ mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity. John tried and tried to change the bird’s attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else he could think of to ‘clean up’ the bird’s vocabulary.
Finally, John was fed up and he yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled back. John shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even more rude. John, in desperation, threw up his hand, grabbed the bird and put him in the freezer. For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed.
Then suddenly there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard
for over a minute.
Fearing that he’d hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the door to the freezer. The parrot calmly stepped out onto John’s outstretched arms and said “I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I’m sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behavior.”
John was stunned at the change in the bird’s attitude.
As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behavior, the bird spoke-up, very softly, “May I ask what the turkey did?”
Tags: bad attitude, desperation, dramatic change, few minutes, freezer, outstretched arms, peep, polite words, profanity, rude language, soft music, transgressions, turkey, vocabulary, young man
29 Sep 11 My Friend & His New Pet
Today, I thought I’d put my foot in it, and tell you the story of how a friend of mine tried to liven up his mundane solitary life a little. This little tale might brighten up your day too, and bring a smile to your face. Read on…
A single friend of decided life would be more fun if he had a pet.
So he went to the pet store and told the owner that he wanted to buy an unusual pet.
After some discussion,he finally bought a talking centipede, (100-legged bug), which came in a little white box to use for his house.
He took the box back home, found a good spot for the box, and decided he would start off by taking his new pet to the pub with him.
So he asked the centipede in the box, “Would you like to go to the pub with me today? We will have a good time.”
But there was no answer from his new pet.
This bothered him a bit, but he waited a few minutes and then asked again, “How about going to the pub with me and tasting some beer?”
But again, there was no answer from his new friend and pet. So he waited a few minutes more, thinking about the situation.
The guy decided to invite the centipede one last time.
This time he put his face up against the centipede’s house and shouted, “Hey, in there! Would you like to go to the pub with me and learn about craft beer?”
….
This time, a little voice came out of the box, “I heard you the first f***** time! I’m putting my shoes on!”
Tags: centipede, craft beer, few minutes, good time, little voice, new friend, new pet, one last time, pet store, shoes, smile, solitary life
02 Jan 11 Sunday Stroll
This afternoon, as it was a dry fine one, I decided to take a little walk out, and explore a little more of the area.
Using walkit.com I planned about an hours walk to Harlington and back. I’m always reluctant to come back the same way as I set out so I made part of the route a circle.
Setting out in a westerly direction along the Bath Road, I came across this bargain hotel near to the airport. If you’d just flown into Heathrow, you’d find this hotel only a few minutes taxi ride away from the Terminals. £29 for a night is a very good deal indeed. That’s about US$45.
Walking on past the hotel, I then came across the Airport Bowl. Yes, It’s a ten-pin bowling alley. If you stay at the £29 hotel you’ll be able to walk across the street to this place, and see if you can strike lucky!
There’s also a Holiday Inn on this stretch of road, and of course, there are plenty of other hotels around this area to suit all tastes and pockets.
Continuing along the Bath Road a little further, I came to Harlington Corner, where I made a turn right into Harlington High Street.
Considering its proximity to the airport, and aside from the planes landing every few minutes, it’s a peaceful place tucked away off the main road.
In Harlington itself, as in most High Streets still in England, there are a couple of watering holes, that is pubs.
Here I passed the Wheatsheaf, and a little further along on the corner of Cranford Lane, The Red Lion.
Here I turned into Cranford Lane, and headed back towards Cranford. Almost immediately after leaving Harlington, one finds oneself back in the countryside again. There are ploughed fields on either side of the road, and a number of stables with horses grazing.
As I was walking back in an easterly direction I couldn’t help but notice the continuous stream of aircraft coming in to land at Heathrow Airport. I could see the landing lights of the planes, and as each one came into land, a look into the eastern sky showed the lights of the next one beginning its descent.
I continued back along Cranford Lane, and cut through the pathway back to the Bath Road, where I dropped into the local Tesco Express and picked up my reward for my walk, a couple of bottles of Theakston’s Old Peculier.
The whole walk took about an hour and was about 3.5 miles.
Tags: bargain hotel, continuous stream, countryside, cranford, easterly direction, eastern sky, few minutes, heathrow airport, high streets, holiday inn, peaceful place, pin bowling alley, pockets, proximity, pubs, red lion, taxi ride, watering holes, westerly direction, wheatsheaf
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