05 Jan 12 Nine Female Words
(1) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
(2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.
(3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.
(4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don’t Do It!
(5) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)
(6) That’s Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That’s okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
(7) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you’re welcome. (I want to add in a clause here – This is true, unless she says ‘Thanks a lot’ – that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say ‘you’re welcome’. That will bring on a ‘whatever’).
(8) Whatever: Is a woman’s way of saying F— YOU!
(9) Don’t worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking ‘What’s wrong?’ For the woman’s response, refer to # 3.
Tags: calm before the storm, five minutes, five more minutes, mistake, sarcasm, several times, toes, whatever, women's words
26 Mar 09 Old Fart Football
n old married couple no sooner hit the pillows when the old man passes gas and says, ‘Seven Points.’
His wife rolls over and says, ‘What in the world was that?’
The old man replied, ‘It’s fart football.’
A few minutes later his wife lets one go and says ‘Touchdown, tie score.’
After about five minutes the old man lets another one go and says,
‘Aha. I’m ahead 14 to 7.’
Not to be outdone the wife rips out another one and says,
‘Touchdown, tie score.’
Five seconds go by and she lets out a little squeaker and says,
‘Field goal, I lead 17 to 14.’ Now the pressure is on the old man.
He refuses to get beaten by a woman, so he strains real hard.
Since defeat is totally unacceptable,he gives it everything he’s got,
and accidentally shits in the bed.
The wife says, ‘What the hell was that?’
The old man says, ‘Half time, switch sides.
Tags: fart, few minutes, field goal, five minutes, hell, married couple, old man, pillows, rips, seven points, squeaker, strains, switch sides, tie score, time switch, touchdown
15 Sep 08 Best Buy Gets Napster
I read this five minutes after I called Napster to cancel my subscription. It wouldn’t have influenced my decision in any way, even though I don’t have a great deal of regard for Best Buy.
When I first got an MP3 player, I thought it would be a good idea. $14.99 gave me access to a whole lot of music, and I didn’t have to fork out 99 cents a tune, like iTunes. Anyway, iTunes is no use for me, as I don’t have and don’t have any plans to buy an iPod. My little Sandisk mp240 was only $38.99 and does me fine.
Another reason for cancelling Napster was that DRM sucks. I knew that already, the same as most of you surely do, but I thought I’d give it a try anyway. I didn’t really build up much of a Napster library anyway, so the few dozen tunes that will now cease to work aren’t going to cause me to lose any sleep.
It was a pain in the butt playing DRM music on the computers anyway. You can use up to three on an account, but I dislike Windows Media Player, preferring Winamp, which didn’t like playing the Napster stuff, and I use linux machines for the most part anyhow.
I’ve already bought some non DRM music from Amazon, which is a far better proposition, as I can do whatever I want with them, including playing them on any of the computers in the home; the Sandisk, or my Blackberry. The Blackberry is really very useful, as I can get reasonable quality sound via a pair of Motorola HT820 Bluetooth Headphones, and I can also use it as an audio source in the car, as my car audio is AD2P equipped as well. The Blackberry isn’t DRM capable though, and that was the final reason for cancelling the Napster subscription.
Tags: amazon, audio source, best buy, blackberry, bluetooth headphones, car audio, five minutes, motorola, motorola ht820, motorola ht820 bluetooth, mp3 player, napster, napster library, pain in the butt, quality sound, regard, sandisk, tunes, whole lot, windows media player
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