29 Sep 11 My Friend & His New Pet
Today, I thought I’d put my foot in it, and tell you the story of how a friend of mine tried to liven up his mundane solitary life a little. This little tale might brighten up your day too, and bring a smile to your face. Read on…
A single friend of decided life would be more fun if he had a pet.
So he went to the pet store and told the owner that he wanted to buy an unusual pet.
After some discussion,he finally bought a talking centipede, (100-legged bug), which came in a little white box to use for his house.
He took the box back home, found a good spot for the box, and decided he would start off by taking his new pet to the pub with him.
So he asked the centipede in the box, “Would you like to go to the pub with me today? We will have a good time.”
But there was no answer from his new pet.
This bothered him a bit, but he waited a few minutes and then asked again, “How about going to the pub with me and tasting some beer?”
But again, there was no answer from his new friend and pet. So he waited a few minutes more, thinking about the situation.
The guy decided to invite the centipede one last time.
This time he put his face up against the centipede’s house and shouted, “Hey, in there! Would you like to go to the pub with me and learn about craft beer?”
….
This time, a little voice came out of the box, “I heard you the first f***** time! I’m putting my shoes on!”
Tags: centipede, craft beer, few minutes, good time, little voice, new friend, new pet, one last time, pet store, shoes, smile, solitary life
13 Nov 10 Politician Dies
While walking down the street one day a “Member of Parliament” is tragically hit by a truck and dies.
His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.
‘Welcome to heaven,’ says St. Peter.. ‘Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we’re not sure what to do with you.’
‘No problem, just let me in,’ says the man.
‘Well, I’d like to, but I have orders from higher up. What we’ll do is have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity.’
‘Really, I’ve made up my mind. I want to be in heaven,’ says the MP.
‘I’m sorry, but we have our rules.’
And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell. The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course. In the distance is a clubhouse and standing in front of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him.
Everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run to greet him, shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at the expense of the people.
They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster, caviar and champagne.
Also present is the devil, who really is a very friendly & nice guy who has a good time dancing and telling jokes. They are having such a good time that before he realizes it, it is time to go.
Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while the elevator rises….
The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens on heaven where St. Peter is waiting for him.
‘Now it’s time to visit heaven.’
So, 24 hours pass with the MP joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns.
‘Well, then, you’ve spent a day in hell and another in heaven. Now choose your eternity.’
The MP reflects for a minute, then he answers: ‘Well, I would never have said it before, I mean heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in hell.’
So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell.
Now the doors of the elevator open and he’s in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage.
He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags as more trash falls from above.
The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulder. ‘I don’t understand,’ stammers the MP. ‘Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne, and danced and had a great time.. Now there’s just a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable.
What happened?’
The devil looks at him, smiles and says, ‘Yesterday we were campaigning…
…
Today you voted ….
Tags: caviar, champagne, clubhouse, elevator, eternity, evening dress, farewell, golf course, good time, good times, green golf, joining a group, lobster, member of parliament, nice guy, playing the harp, reminisce, st peter, walking down the street, welcome to heaven
12 Jan 09 Out Of Town
It’s the first time we’ve had the opportunity to get out of town for a weekend for a long time, and as we were looking forward to meeting up with our friends again anyway, it was good to get away.
No, we didn’t fly anywhere. It was only 100 miles, well that’s what the GPS said, but the odometer was around 93 when we turned up the drive.
Well it’s not really a drive, it’s across the field. It was dark so I was very careful in case there where any landmines. Not real landmines but enormous great holes to bottom out on. There weren’t though.
We got there in pretty good time, after stopping for some food and drink on the way.
I almost always forget something, and this time was no exception. I got out the camera, and I’d forgotten to put the SD card in the darn thing. (when I got back home, I found I’d left it on the living room table). So all the photos that I took, were with my Blackberry, which is ok in good light – for a cellphone at least.
It was quite dark, so we just enjoyed a snack, and a few beers, and turned in for the night.
The next day we took a short walk down to the Pee Dee River, which is about a mile away. It was a most pleasant afternoon, and it was good to be able to walk around in the countryside. Much as I enjoy living in Charleston, I always prefer the country to the city.
We got back home, and grilled out in the evening. Pork chops and a hearty salad went down a real treat after that walk.
Sunday, we went into Pamplico for brunch, and had some excellent ham and friend chicken, accompanied by cabbage, and beans. It was an ‘eat all you can’ buffet, so I did.
Slight panic on the way home. We were low on gas, and we seemed to drive for miles and miles before we found a gas station that was open, and in the process we took a wrong turning, but it didn’t really take us too far out of our way. Only downside was that it made us too late to get to the Amazon Grill in Goose Creek for the Lowcountry Bloggers meetup, before everyone else went home!
All in all, it was, of course, good to spend time with good friends, and it was good to take some real chill out time and relax. I actually didn’t sit at a computer all day on Saturday, which is a first for me for a long time!
Tags: beers, blackberry, cellphone, fly, food and drink, fried chicken, good time, gps, holes, landmines, living room, long time, odometer, pamplico, photos, sc, sd card, snack
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