07 Apr 11 Tolio
A young couple left the church and arrived at the hotel where they were spending the first night of their honeymoon. They opened the champagne and began undressing.
When the bridegroom removed his socks, his new wife asked, ‘What’s wrong with your feet? Your toes look all mangled and weird.
‘I had tolio as a child,’ he answered.
‘You mean polio?’ she asked.
‘No, tolio. The disease only affected my toes.
When the groom took off his pants, his bride once again asked
‘What’s wrong with your knees? They’re all lumpy and deformed!
‘As a child, I also had kneasles,’ he explained.
‘You mean measles?’ she asked.
‘No, kneasles. It was a strange illness that only affected my knees.
The new bride had to be satisfied with this answer.
As the undressing continued, her husband at last removed his underwear.
‘Don’t tell me,’ she said.
‘Let me guess…
Smallcox?
Tags: bridegroom, champagne, first night, honeymoon, knees, measles, polio, socks, strange illness, toes, underwear, young couple
04 Feb 08 The Fourth Mariage
A woman married three times walked into a bridal shop one day and told the sales clerk that she was looking for a wedding gown for her fourth wedding.
“Of course, madam,” replied the sales clerk, “exactly what type and color are you looking for?”
The bride to be said: “A long frilly white dress with a veil.”
The sales clerk hesitated a bit, then said, “Please don’t take this the wrong way, but gowns of that nature is considered more appropriate for brides who are being married the first time – for those who are a bit more innocent, if you know what I mean? Perhaps ivory or sky blue would be nice?”
“Well,” replied the customer, a little peeved at the clerk’s directness, “I can assure you that a white gown would be quite appropriate. Believe it or not, despite all my marriages, I remain as innocent as a first-time bride.You see, my first husband was so excited about our wedding, he died as we were checking into our hotel.My second husband and I got into such a terrible fight in the limo on our way to our honeymoon that we had that wedding annulled immediately and never spoke to each other again.”
“What about your third husband?” asked the sales clerk.
“That one was a Democrat,” said the woman, “and every night for four years, he just sat on the edge of the bed and told me how good it was going to be, but nothing ever happened.”
Tags: bridal shop, brides, democrat, directness, GOP, gowns, honeymoon, limo, madam, peeved, primary 2008, sales clerk, sky blue, three times, time bride, veil, wedding gown, white dress, white gown, wrong way
