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Ian May

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Advice From A Retired Husband

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It is important for men to remember that, as women grow older, it becomes harder for them to maintain the same quality of housekeeping as when they were younger. When you notice this, try not to yell at them. Some are oversensitive, and there’s nothing worse than an oversensitive woman.

My name is Jim. Let me relate how I handled the situation with my wife, Terri. When I retired a few years ago, it became necessary for Terri to get a full-time job along with her part-time job, both for extra income and for the health benefits that we needed. Shortly after she started working, I noticed she was beginning to show her age. I usually get home from the golf club about the same time she gets home from work.

Although she knows how hungry I am, she almost always says she has to rest for half an hour or so before she starts dinner. I don’t yell at her. Instead, I tell her to take her time and just wake me when she gets dinner on the table. I generally have lunch in the Men’s Grill at the club so eating out is not reasonable. I’m ready for some home-cooked grub when I hit that door. She used to do the dishes as soon as we finished eating. But now it’s not unusual for them to sit on the table for several hours after dinner.

I do what I can by diplomatically reminding her several times each evening that they won’t clean themselves. I know she really appreciates this, as it does seem to motivate her to get them done before she goes to bed.

Another symptom of aging is complaining, I think. For example she will say that it is difficult for her to find time to pay the monthly bills during her lunch hour. But, boys, we take ‘em for better or worse, so I just smile and offer encouragement. I tell her to stretch it out over two or even three days. That way she won’t have to rush so much. I also remind her that missing lunch completely now and then wouldn’t hurt her any (if you know what I mean). I like to think tact is one of my strong points.

When doing simple jobs, she seems to think she needs more rest periods. She had to take a break when she was only half-finished mowing the yard. I try not to make a scene. I’m a fair man. I tell her to fix herself a nice, big, cold glass of freshly squeezed lemonade and just sit for a while. And, as long as she is making one for herself, she may as well make one for me too.

I know that I probably look like a saint in the way I support Terri. I?m not saying that showing this much consideration is easy. Many men will find it difficult. Some will find it impossible! Nobody knows better than I do how frustrating women get as they get older. However, guys, even if you just use a little more tact and less criticism of your aging wife because of this article, I will consider that writing it was well worthwhile After all; we are put on this earth to help each other.

Signed,
Jim

EDITOR’S NOTE:
Jim died suddenly on February 7 of a perforated rectum. The police report says he was found with a Calloway extra-long 50-inch Big Bertha Driver II golf club jammed up his rear end, with barely 5 inches of grip showing, and a sledge hammer lying nearby. His wife Terri was arrested and charged with murder. The all-woman jury took only 10 minutes to find her Not Guilty, accepting her defence that Jim, somehow without looking, accidentally sat down on his golf club.

Easy Like Sunday Morning

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I got up around seven something. I don’t know exactly, I didn’t look at the clock too hard, but it was after seven and before eight. OK, I checked my IRC log, as I know I went in there first thing. It was 07.28 so I must have got up a few moments before that.

Anyway, I made some coffee, and continued with some of my system housekeeping here. Still trying to fight off this darn cold, which at times makes the little men hammer in my head. No, it’s not a hangover – not a drop has passed my lips in almost two weeks, so I know it’s not the demon drink!

Bacon Sarnie I’m never hungry when I first get up, well very very seldom, but I am after a couple of hours. So I headed to the kitchen and, as it was Sunday, I thought I’d have something cooked – usually I’ll eat a bit of fruit, or have a slice of toast or two.

So I made a bacon sandwich, and then realized the bread had nearly all gone, so while the bacon was cooking in the George Foreman, I got some bread started. That only takes five minutes, and then the machine does the rest for the next three hours.

Late Night Rambling

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It’s one of those evenings when I am wide awake at 2am… Grrr. Anyway, I thought I’d put my awaklefulness (is that a word?) to good use, and do a little computer housekeeping, and writing.

I was thinking that I really should try and find some more time to become a more prolific writer, but there never seems enough hours in the day!

I cannot ever understand it, when I hear some folk complain that they are bored! How do they find time to have nothing to do, I ask myself?

A flurry of last minute tidying and spring cleaning will take place here tomorrow, ready for the British Invasion.

No, it’s not 1964 all over again. It’s not the Beatles but the family arriving on Monday evening. Of course, we’re looking forward to their arrival, as we’ve not seen them since 2006.

Now I’ve starting writing here, I think I might just be feeling a little heavy-eyed again, so I think I’ll head for the bed, and see what happens. If nothing else, NPR often carriesthe BBC World Service overnight, so I’ll lay there quietly in the dark listening to the reporting of world events.

Let’s hope something good comes out of Zimbabwe soon, and the democratic processes can prevail.