01 Jul 08 Teacher Arrested
NEW YORK — A public school teacher was arrested today at John F. Kennedy International Airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a set square, a slide rule and a calculator.
At a morning press conference, the Attorney General said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-gebra movement.
He did not identify the man, who has been charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction. ‘Al-gebra is a problem for us’, the Attorney General said. ‘They desire solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in search of absolute values.’
They use secret code names like ‘X’ and ‘Y’ and refer to themselves as ‘unknowns’, but we have determined that they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country.
As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, ‘There are 3 sides to every triangle’.
When asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush said, ‘If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, he would have given us more fingers and toes.’
White House aides told reporters they could not recall a more intelligent or profound statement by the President
Tags: absolute values, code names, common denominator, coordinates, extremes, fingers and toes, isosceles, john f kennedy, john f kennedy international airport, kennedy international airport, math instruction, philanderer, president bush, profound statement, protractor, public school teacher, ruler, slide rule, tangents, white house aides
03 Dec 07 Coincidences
Abraham Lincoln was elected to Congress in 1846.
John F. Kennedy was elected to Congress in 1946.
Abraham Lincoln was elected President in 1860.
John F. Kennedy was elected President in 1960.
Both were particularly concerned with civil rights.
Both wives lost their children while living in the White House.
Both Presidents were shot on a Friday.
Both Presidents were shot in the head.
Now it gets really weird.
Lincoln ‘s secretary was named Kennedy.
Kennedy’s Secretary was named Lincoln.
Both were assassinated by Southerners.
Both were succeeded by Southerners named Johnson.
Andrew Johnson, who succeeded Lincoln, was born in 1808.
Lyndon Johnson, who succeeded Kennedy, was born in 1908.
John Wilkes Booth, who assassinated Lincoln, was born in 1839.
Lee Harvey Oswald, who assassinated Kennedy, was born in 1939.
Both assassins were known by their three names.
Both names are composed of fifteen letters.
Now hang on to your seat.
Lincoln was shot at the theater named ‘Ford.’
Kennedy was shot in a car called ‘ Lincoln’ made by ‘Ford.’
Lincoln was shot in a theater and his assassin ran and hid in a warehouse.
Kennedy was shot from a warehouse and his assassin ran and hid in a theater.
Booth and Oswald were assassinated before their trials.
And here’s the kicker…
A week before Lincoln was shot, he was in Monroe, Maryland
A week before Kennedy was shot, he was with Marilyn Monroe.
Truth is stranger than fiction…?
Tags: abraham lincoln, assassin, congress, elected president, ford, john f kennedy, john wilkes booth, lee harvey oswald, presidents, southerners, stranger than fiction, three names, truth is stranger, truth is stranger than fiction
22 Oct 07 45 years ago
On this day, 45 years ago, President John F. Kennedy announced an air and naval blockade of Cuba, following the discovery of Soviet missile bases on the island.
Tags: 45 years, cuba, discovery, john f kennedy, missile bases, naval blockade, president john f kennedy
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