01 Feb 11 Theory v Reality
A small boy says to his father “Dad, what’s the difference between ‘theoretically’ and ‘realistically’?”
His dad thinks and then says “Right my son, go and ask your mother if she’d sleep with Wayne Rooney for a million quid.”
The boy toddles off and comes back saying “Dad, dad, she said she would! She would sleep with Wayne Rooney for a million pounds.”
“OK son,” says his dad. “Now go and ask your sister the same question.”
The boy toddles off, and comes back saying “Dad, dad, she said she would too!”
So then his dad says “Right, son, now go and ask your brother if he’d sleep with Wayne Rooney for a million pounds.”
The son comes back excitedly saying “Dad! Dad! He said he would too!”
“Well there you have it, son,” said his dad. In theory we could be sitting on three million quid. In reality we’re living with two tarts and a poof.”
12 Dec 10 Nine Months
John decided to go skiing with his buddy, Keith. So they loaded up John’s minivan and headed north.
After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard.
So they pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend the night.
‘I realize it’s terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but I’m recently widowed,’ she explained. ‘I’m afraid the neighbours will talk if I let you stay in my house.’
‘Don’t worry,’ John said. ‘We’ll be happy to sleep in the barn. And if the weather breaks, we’ll be gone at first light.’ The lady agreed, and the two men found their way to the barn and settled in for the night.
Come morning, the weather had cleared, and they got on their way.
They enjoyed a great weekend of skiing.
But about nine months later, John got an unexpected letter from an attorney. It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he finally
determined that it was from the attorney of that attractive widow he had met on the ski weekend.
He dropped in on his friend Keith and asked, ‘Keith, do you remember that good-looking widow from the farm we stayed at on our ski holiday up north about 9 months ago?’
‘Yes, I do.’ Said Keith.
‘Did you, er, happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the house and pay her a visit?’
‘Well, um, yes!,’ Keith said, a little embarrassed about being found out, ‘I have to admit that I did.’
‘And did you happen to give her my name instead of telling her your name?’
Keith’s face turned beet red and he said, ‘Yeah, look, I’m sorry, buddy. I’m afraid I did.’ ‘Why do you ask?’
‘She just died and left me everything.’
Tags: 9 months, attractive lady, beet, blizzard, buddy keith, few minutes, minivan, neighbours, nine months, ski holiday, ski weekend, skiing, sleep, sorry buddy, two men, weather out, worry
19 Nov 10 It’s Four In The Morning
I type this in the dark at 4am. Why you may ask? Why in the dark? Why at 4am? Why aren’t you asleep, or doing something better with your time at this hour?
It is dark because I don’t need to put the light on to do this. I can type very well on my little Droid keypad, as it has backlighting, and I am pretty good at the two thumb typing style in any case, even if I say so myself.
I am not asleep because I woke up, for no reason, an hour ago, and I am wide awake.
With regard to time management, who is to say that blogging isn’t a productive use of my time. In any case, does every minute of every day have to be justified as being useful and productive? No, of course not, it’s fine to relax too!
