Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the U.K. economy by spending your money wisely:
* If you purchase a computer, it will go to India , Taiwan or China .
* If you buy an efficient car, it will go to Japan or Korea .
* If you purchase useless stuff, it will go to Taiwan .
* If you pay your credit cards off, or buy shares, it will go to management bonuses and they will hide it offshore.
Instead, keep the money in the UK by:
1) Spending it at car boot sales, or
2) Going to night clubs, or
3) Spending it on prostitutes, or
4) Beer or whisky or
(These are the only UK businesses still operating in the U.K. )
No need to thank me, I’m just glad I could be of help.
Tags: arabs, asda, boot sale, car boot sales, china taiwan, credit cards, drink beer, fruit and vegetables, guatemala, honduras, night club, night clubs, prostitute, prostitutes, tattoos, tesco, uk businesses, uk economy, useless stuff, whisky
Tired of constantly being broke & stuck in an unhappy marriage, a young husband decided to solve both problems by taking out a large insurance policy on his wife with himself as the beneficiary, and then arranging to have her killed.
A ‘friend of a friend’ put him in touch with a nefarious dark-side underworld figure who went by the name of ‘Artie.’
Artie then explained to the husband that his going price for snuffing out a spouse was £5,000.
The husband said he was willing to pay that amount, but that he wouldn’t have any cash on hand until he could collect his wife’s insurance money.
Artie insisted on being paid at least something up front, so the man opened his wallet, displaying the single pound note that rested inside. Artie sighed, rolled his eyes, & reluctantly agreed to accept the pound as down payment for the dirty deed.
A few days later, Artie followed the man’s wife to the local Tesco store. There, he surprised her in the produce department & proceeded to strangle her with his gloved hands & as the poor unsuspecting woman drew her last breath & slumped to the floor……..
The manager of the produce department stumbled unexpectedly onto the murder scene. Unwilling to leave any living witnesses behind, ol’ Artie had no choice but to strangle the produce manager as well.
However, unknown to Artie, the entire proceedings were captured by the hidden security cameras & observed by the store’s security guard, who immediately called the police. Artie was caught & arrested before he could even leave the store.
Under intense questioning at the police station, Artie revealed the whole sordid plan, including his unusual financial arrangements with the hapless husband who was also quickly arrested.
The next day in the newspaper, the headline declared …
‘ARTIE CHOKES 2 for £1.00 AT TESCO ‘
Tags: beneficiary, chokes, dirty deed, few days, friend of a friend, hidden security cameras, insurance policy, last breath, murder scene, police station, pound note, produce department, produce manager, security guard, tesco, tesco store, underworld figure, wallet